Hello, dear friend,
I hope you are well today.
There is a quiet tension many people experience at work: you need support, but you do not necessarily want everyone to know why.
Maybe you are struggling to concentrate. Perhaps your energy has been unusually low, you need more flexibility than usual, or you simply realise that the way you have been working is no longer sustainable.
The question becomes: How do you ask for what you need without feeling like you have to explain your entire personal life?
The good news is that advocating for your mental health does not require telling your manager, colleagues, or entire workplace everything you are going through.
You are allowed to have boundaries, and you can be honest without being completely exposed.
Mental health advocacy is often treated as something you do only when you reach a crisis. It doesn’t have to be. You can speak up when you notice early signs that something is becoming unsustainable.
Maybe you find yourself constantly working late, skipping breaks, struggling to focus, or feeling exhausted before the workday has even started. These aren’t personal failings; they are human signals to pause and reassess.
Advocacy vs. Oversharing
Advocating for your mental health means communicating the support or conditions you need to function well at work. The focus is on your work tasks and how to optimize existing systems or create new ones to help you in a difficult time.
Oversharing, on the other hand, happens when you feel pressured to provide more personal information than is necessary for the situation. Sometimes we do it out of anxiety, feeling insecure or completely overwhelmed because our coping mechanisms have failed for regular life stresses.
I can relate totally to feeling overwhelmed, and I have found myself pushing until I completely broke down at work one day. My lesson was to recognise my stress signatures earlier and bring them into conversations earlier in the process. For example, there is a difference between saying:
“I’ve been dealing with a personal situation that has affected my concentration. I’d appreciate some flexibility with this deadline.”
and
“Explaining every detail of the situation, including information that your manager does not need to know to understand your request.”
The first communicates what matters professionally: there is a challenge, it is affecting your work, and you have a reasonable request.
You do not have to provide the entire story to make your needs legitimate. Some managers may then, out of concern, provide the space and opportunity for you to explore it further or even refer you to someone who might help.
Start With What You Need
The best recommended way to engage in a meaningful advocacy conversation is to focus on the practical issue rather than the personal story behind it.
Before approaching your manager, ask yourself:
What exactly do I need?
Perhaps you need:
- A temporary adjustment to your workload
- A more realistic deadline
- A short break during particularly demanding days
- Fewer unnecessary meetings
- A quieter workspace
- Clearer priorities
- A conversation about workload expectations
- Time away from work to rest and recover
Knowing your request beforehand can make the conversation much easier. Instead of trying to explain everything you have been feeling, you can simply explain what would help you work more effectively.
Separate the Personal From the Professional
A useful rule is to ask:
Does this person need this information to help me with the problem?
If the answer is no, you may not need to share it. For example, your manager may need to know that you are experiencing difficulty managing your current workload. They may not need to know the personal events that caused the difficulty.
Your HR representative may need information relevant to a workplace accommodation. They may not need every detail of your emotional experience.
Your colleague may simply need to know that you are unavailable for a particular period. They do not necessarily need to know why.
This distinction allows you to protect your privacy while still communicating honestly.
You Can Be Honest Without Apologising for Existing
Many people minimise their needs before they even express them.
- “I’m sorry to bother you.”
- “I’m probably making this bigger than it is.”
- “I know everyone is busy, but…”
- “I don’t want to seem difficult.”
You don’t have to begin every request with an apology. Your well-being is not an inconvenience simply because you are discussing it at work.
Try replacing excessive apologies with clear, respectful statements:
- “I’d like to discuss something affecting my current workload.”
- “I need some support with managing these priorities.”
- “I’d like to explore a temporary adjustment.”
You can be considerate without making yourself feel guilty for having needs.
A seminal meta-analysis on workplace interventions by Sonnentag (2012) demonstrates that psychological detachment and proactive recovery, such as taking intentional breaks and addressing strain early, are essential for maintaining cognitive function and preventing chronic exhaustion.
When we ignore these early indicators, our nervous system remains in a prolonged state of high alert, making recovery significantly harder down the road.
Be Specific About the Adjustment
If you are asking for support, specificity makes it easier for the other person to respond.
Rather than saying:
“I need things to be easier.”
Consider saying:
“Would it be possible to move this deadline to Friday so I can complete the work properly?”
Or:
“Could we identify the three highest-priority tasks for this week so I know where to focus my energy?”
A specific request creates a conversation about solutions rather than forcing you to defend your feelings.
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Prepare Before the Conversation
If talking about your mental health makes you nervous, you don’t have to improvise. Write down what you want to say beforehand. Please, this is one thing I would ask you to adopt even in your personal life.
It stops the discussion from becoming derailed and also ensures that the main points are not forgotten. You might structure the conversation around three simple points:
- 1. What is happening: “I’ve been experiencing some wellbeing challenges recently.”
- 2. How it is affecting your work: “I’ve noticed that it is becoming harder to manage my current workload at the usual pace.”
- 3. What you are requesting: “I’d like to discuss whether we can temporarily adjust my priorities and deadlines.”
That’s enough to start a meaningful conversation. You can always provide more information later if you decide it is appropriate; give yourself time to determine what and when it is appropriate to share more.
Share With Intention
Not everyone at work needs the same level of information. Your manager may need to know about an adjustment. HR may need relevant documentation depending on your workplace policies and the type of support being requested.
A colleague may only need to know when you will be available. A close work friend might know more because you personally trust them.
Your workplace does not automatically earn access to your private life simply because you work there. Decide what you are comfortable sharing with each person.
It was a shock for me when I first entered the English workplace how emotionally detached people were from one another. I had come from a place where work colleagues were also seen as close friends due to the time spent together.
Relationships evolved quite easily beyond work, and even though this was lovely, it often caused some difficulties in interpersonal relationships that would eventually affect patients.
On the contrary, the strict boundaries between work and personal life, like in England, also had a way of creating more friction and anxiety, which had its own problems for interpersonal connection and team cohesion
Finding the balance was not easy; it took time, lots of patience and discernment.
Sometimes people are curious, even when you have not offered additional information. You can politely redirect the conversation.
Try:
“I’d rather keep the personal details private, but I’m happy to discuss how it is affecting my work.”
Or:
“It’s something personal that I’m working through. What would be most helpful right now is discussing the adjustment I mentioned.”
You do not have to become defensive to maintain a boundary. A calm repetition is often enough.
You can Support My Work
Don’t Wait Until You’re Completely Burnt Out
Mental health advocacy is often treated as something you do only when you reach a crisis. It doesn’t have to be. You can speak up when you notice early signs that something is becoming unsustainable.
World Suicide Prevention Day was observed on September 10. It is a reminder that we all have a part to play in looking out for one another. Some of our colleagues may be going through more than we realise. Behind the smiles, the silence, or the “I’m fine,” someone may simply need a person who will listen.
Studies on psychological safety and workplace privacy (such as research by Edmondson, 1999) show that team trust thrives on clear communication of boundaries and needs, not on the complete disclosure of private matters.
Employees who establish clear, professional boundaries around their personal lives experience lower levels of burnout and higher job satisfaction over time.
Maybe you are constantly working late. Perhaps you have stopped taking breaks, your concentration is declining, or you feel exhausted before the workday has even started. These can be signals to pause and reassess.
Need to talk or experiencing a mental health crisis? You can reach out to:
- Shout: Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential, 24/7 crisis support.
- NHS 111: Call 111 and select option 2 for urgent mental health support.
You don’t have to go through it alone. Reaching out for support is okay.
You Are Allowed to Protect Your Privacy
There is a misconception that being vulnerable means telling people everything.
It doesn’t…
Sometimes vulnerability looks like saying, “I am struggling, and I need some support,” without explaining every reason why. Sometimes self-advocacy means admitting that your workload is no longer sustainable. Sometimes it means asking for time off.
And sometimes it simply means recognising that you are allowed to have a difficult season without turning your private life into workplace information.
You can be professional and human at the same time. You can ask for help without handing over every detail of your life. And you can protect your mental health without feeling guilty for protecting your privacy.
You don’t owe everyone the whole story. Sometimes, the most powerful boundary is knowing exactly what needs to be shared, and what can remain yours.
Take a quiet moment to reflect:
“What is one subtle sign your body or mind gives you when your workload is becoming too heavy?”
Until next time — stay warm, stay growing, stay loving, stay whole.
With love and light
Amaka.
