Hello dear friend,
I hope you are well today.
I have somehow managed to find something else to chat about today. It’s been three years of doing this weekly, and yet we haven’t run out of things to work on as we progress in this lifetime.
Our journey has been one of continuous growth and pruning, what a privilege.
I am thinking today about…. What does it take to build anything worth having?
Much less building something sustainable, enduring and valuable.
Imagine a shelf on which you place your decor, yet it may also hold wisdom in books, and still hold practical objects like a lamp.
The support shelf of our lives is made up of quite a cluttered collection of Books, People, and Practices that we Lean On in good times and in bad times. They hold us up, comfort us, praise us and give us much-needed strength for the days ahead.
There are moments in life when nothing is technically wrong, yet everything feels a little heavier than usual.
You’re always showing up, doing what needs to be done, and moving through your days. But somewhere underneath the routines and responsibilities, you can sense a quiet tiredness—a need to be held, steadied, or simply understood.
These are not emergency moments. They don’t require urgency or alarm. They ask instead for gentleness.
It’s often in these slower, quieter seasons that we begin to notice what truly supports us—and what doesn’t. What we reach for when no one is watching. What helps us feel grounded again when our thoughts wander and our emotions feel scattered.
Not as a solution to fix your life, but as a soft place to return to, somewhere that is safe, predictable and steady.
For many, it may sound familiar; for another set of people, this is something in the far distance, and they can’t relate anymore. I urge you today, think about it, the things that make you feel safe, sure and soft. Are these things part of your life now? Or the life you are working towards?
What is it for you? A collection of books, people, or practices that remind you who you are, help you breathe more easily, and offer steady companionship through both ordinary and difficult days.
Most of us don’t realize we need support until we’re already exhausted.
A Support Shelf is a deliberate, deeply personal collection of what keeps you steady when you need it. It’s not aspirational. It’s not impressive. It’s practical, emotional, and human.
Let’s talk about how to build one that actually works.
Why We Need a Support Shelf
Here are some things we don’t say often enough:
Hard seasons rarely announce themselves; they arrive disguised as:
- Prolonged waiting
- Delayed answers to sincere prayers
- creative deserts
- relational distance
- decision fatigue
- grief that is not going away o
And because nothing looks obviously wrong, we keep pushing—until something inside us gives way.
A Support Shelf is what you build before you get to the point where you need it. It’s the difference between scrambling for help in panic and calmly reaching for something familiar that says, “I know how to hold you.”
Shelf One: Books That Sit with You, Not Above You
These books are not necessarily the best-written or most popular books. They are the books that have met you in a very specific emotional place. They don’t shout answers at you; instead, they sit beside you and say, “You’re not strange for feeling this way.”
- You might reach for a book that talks honestly about burnout, weakness, or limits. A book that reminds you that rest is not failure and that constantly “coping” is not the same as being okay.
This is the book you open on a random page when you’re too tired to read properly—and somehow it still finds you.
- There are seasons when faith, purpose, or direction feel blurry. In those moments, the right book doesn’t rush you back into certainty. It allows questions and permits you to pause.
These are the books you underline heavily, not because you agree with everything, but because they articulate the tension you’re living in.
- Some books don’t soothe you—they steady you. They pull you out of emotional spirals and remind you that life is wider than this moment.
You don’t read these books often. But when you do, they reset something inside you.
These books are the ones you can return to. If a book only works once, it may be helpful—but it’s not foundational. I remember sitting on a plane heading to Berlin to visit my sister in 2018/2019. I had taken a book on postpartum stress from the library at work, and I wept on that flight like a baby, all the way to Berlin. I felt seen, it gave me language, and it all just made sense, the tension I was in.
Books save lives, which is why we add them to our newsletter quarterly. I urge you to read, listen and ingest information through books. So many deliverances are ushered into your life through the lessons of others. Do not despise the wisdom of other people’s experiences well documented for posterity.
Shelf Two: People Who Make You Feel Human Again
This shelf is delicate—and sacred. Not everyone who loves you knows how to support you. And not everyone who supports you needs to be close to you in every way; some will be there at the right time by the privilege of proximity, some will be far but still just what you need.
They don’t always say the right things, but you feel safer after interacting with them, not more anxious.
Examples of people you need in your support shelf:
- The Friend You Can Be Unimpressive With
This is the person you can speak to when you don’t have a testimony yet. When your story is unfinished. When all you can say is, “I’m tired, and I don’t know why.” They don’t rush you into solutions. They don’t weaponize advice. They let the silence and listening to you do some of the work. They give you a bed and a meal, somewhere to literally lay your head, a shoulder, and their time. Oh, what a privilege.
- The Truth-Teller
This person loves you enough to gently challenge you, without shaming you. They might say things like:
- “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
- “This pace isn’t sustainable.”
- “You don’t have to prove anything right now.”
- “You can die ooooo”
They don’t flatter you. They protect you.
- The Season-Specific Support
Some people are meant for certain seasons only. They come into your life and somehow, just make things better. They make you feel comfortable in the broken pieces, and boom, they are out, just like that. In cases like this, be thankful for their presence and allow them flow to work their magic on others, too. Holding on will only cause you pain. You need the discernment of God and His grace to free those people and move on.
What do these kinds of people do? They:
- help you grieve
- help you rebuild
- help you dream again
- make you laugh
- guide you
Letting someone move from “inner circle” to “supportive distance” is not betrayal. It’s wisdom. Your Support Shelf respects seasons.
Shelf Three: Practices That Bring You Back to Yourself
Practices are what you turn to when your thoughts are loud, and your emotions are scattered. They are not about discipline; they are about regulation.
A Few Faves
- A Quiet Morning Ritual
Not a perfect morning routine—just a familiar rhythm. Sitting in one spot every morning with a warm drink. No phone. No urgency. Just ten minutes of stillness that reminds your body it’s safe.
- Writing Without Editing
This could be journaling where you don’t try to sound wise or spiritual. You write exactly what you feel—even if it’s messy, repetitive, or unresolved. This practice isn’t about insight. It’s about release and freedom.
- Returning to the Body
Sometimes support isn’t intellectual—it’s physical. A slow walk. Stretching. Deep breathing. Sleeping earlier than usual. These practices don’t solve your problems, but they make them bearable. And sometimes, that’s enough. Sleeping early was my 2025 hack; you couldn’t tell me anything, it works. lol
When the Shelf Is Empty
Many people only discover they don’t have a Support Shelf when they desperately need one. If that’s you, there’s no shame here.
Start with one thing:
- one book
- one person
- one gentle practice
Support is built slowly. You don’t furnish the shelf in a day. You add to it as you learn what actually holds you. I collected my stuff over time, and I am still adding to my repertoire. Simply because as time goes, people move on, I am changing, my responsibilities are evolving and so my shelf is evolving.
Start now and keep working on it, with courage, with curiosity, with wisdom.
The Quiet Power in Mindful Curation
A Support Shelf doesn’t remove or numb pain, you and I will bear our necessary pains, how else can we build compassion for others in pain? What this idea help you with is to ensure that even in those seasons when we are learning our life lessons, we are seen, we are witnessed, we are not alone.
A good reminder that:
- you are allowed to lean
- you don’t have to carry everything alone
- support is not weakness—it’s wisdom
Life will keep changing. Seasons will keep shifting. But when you’ve built something solid to lean on, you won’t feel so lost when the ground moves. You’ll know where to reach out to, where to hang your wig, where to lean on, where to run to.
Until next time — stay warm, stay growing, stay loving, stay whole.
With love and light,
Amaka.
