Dating with intention: improving your relationships with self-awareness and personal values


It’s been an interesting journey to get here but I am glad we made it

I hope you are well and staying inspired to get better at what you do daily, being yourself.

It really is the most important work.

We are going to go all the way to the left and dive into the waters of romance, dance around with the butterflies and see ho we can benefit from some sled awareness in preparing for and engaging in relationships.

Self-awareness in relationships is critical to ensuring that both partners understand each other’s needs, wants, and expectations. 

We all have unmet needs, all of us. Things we wish we had when we were children and our adult self is still craving. Having some insight into these needs will exponentially increase your chances of finding happiness in a healthy and lasting relationship. You can then be more aware of what you seek and why, hopefully, show someone how to love you and learn how to love another.

Imagine a relationship is a journey and you have to pack the right stuff in your suitcase; what are you packing?

What do you already have?

What do you need to acquire?

What can you do without?

Self Awareness

Self-awareness allows you to understand yourself better and it helps determine who you will be in a relationship. With this understanding, you can identify your personal values, which will help you define what you need in a partner and a relationship.

What are some things you need to be aware of?

When it comes to forming romantic relationships, you should be mindful of how your actions, words and behaviors can affect the relationship. You should also consider how you want the relationship to progress and the commitment you are willing to make.

If you feel joyful, you are likely to be smiling and maybe to be more generous with your resources and the opposite is true when you are unhappy.

It is a personal responsibility to care for yourself so that you are in a good position to support and be supported in a relationship.

On some days, love is saying ” I have had a bad day; I need a hug”.

Have you heard about love languages? A concept made popular by Gary Chapman, who wrote a book about the 5 love languages.

Look at your response to daily interactions with people, what sticks out to you and makes you feel special, and take note of it.

Do you get all warm inside when people buy you gifts?

Are you more appreciative of a visit or telephone call?

Do you gravitate towards lots of physical contact?

Or maybe you prefer having people around you who lift your heavy laid and take things off your hands….. most people are a mix of all of them, so don’t box yourself into a corner

Just take the time to rank these things and ho we they affect you as a person.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Consider also, your negative triggers to anger, sadness, frustration and disappointment. How do you behave when you are angry? What steps do you take to calm yourself when angry? And what steps can your partner take that will pacify you when angry? Do you like to speak up immediately? or like to be given space to process things.

Awareness of your communication styles during conflicts is worth considering when forming a romantic relationship.

Taking the time to get to know yourself and being honest with yourself can help ensure that you enter into a healthy relationship, and it’s always a worthy journey to explore yourself.

Take some time to figure out who you are and what makes you happy. Consider your boundaries in relationships and which qualities are most important to you. Also, consider how much time and energy you would like to invest in a relationship; different levels of commitment require different levels of dedication and effort.

Another good read is Clarity and Connection by Yung Pueblo.

Clarity and Connection by Yung Pueblo.

It takes you on a very insightful journey through self and then where you need to be when you decide to bond with another.

Questions to Ponder on:

  • What  makes me happy?
  • What is my toxic trait?

Personal Values

Personal values are the beliefs and ideals you hold dear and strive to live by. They’re based on your background, experiences and the lessons you’ve learned in life so far.

When it comes to setting your personal values, it’s important to be honest with yourself. Think about what you believe in and what you stand for.

Don’t allow yourself to be influenced by external pressures or social norms—your personal values are for you alone.

Once you have a clear idea of your personal values, it’s time to put them into practice. Ask yourself how your decisions and behaviour align with your values.

If there’s a discrepancy between what you believe in and how you’re acting, take steps to make sure that your actions match your values. This can help to ensure that you stay true to yourself. It also gives you a deeper sense of well-being

Once you are out of sync, you get that uncomfortable feeling remember?

It’s also important to remember that your values may change over time as you learn and grow as an individual. If something no longer resonates with you, don’t be afraid to let it go and move on. This can help ensure that your values remain meaningful and authentic.

By setting your personal values, you can ensure that you stay true to yourself and that any romantic relationships you form are based on mutual understanding and respect.

Questions to Ponder on:

What do I value most in life?

What values did I have in the past that no longer resonate with me?

Mind of Makus (IG)

Personal Expectations

Similarly, personal expectations give you an idea of what kind of relationship you hope for and what behaviors you expect from yourself and your partner.

It’s also helpful to think through your personal expectations when forming relationships. This will help you clarify your needs, boundaries, and wants. Make sure that they align with your core values and remain consistent across all areas of your life.

Remember to communicate these expectations openly and honestly with anyone who might become involved in a relationship with you.

Additionally, make sure that your expectations are realistic and that they align with the qualities and values that you look for in another person. Having unrealistic expectations could lead to disappointment in the long run and might not let the relationship progress properly.

Questions to Ponder on:

  • How do I envision my ideal relationship?
  • What traits do I need my partner to have?

Final thoughts

Take the time to reflect on what works for you and what doesn’t.

Consider warning signs and ask yourself if a potential partner shares your values and meets your expectations.

Be honest with yourself when evaluating whether or not someone is suitable for you—it’ll save you from a lot of heartache in the long run.

Be flexible

Define what success is for yourself.

So more good news. Yaaay!!!

There is a new episode up on the podcast, as usual, do tell me what your thoughts are, by replying to this email or on any of my social media platforms. It is  @mindofmakus on IG and FB.

Click on the button below to listen to the podcast, and feel free to share within your circle of influence and beyond. Catch up on old episodes too, I find myself listening too, to remind myself of these things.

My friend, it has been a great pleasure to share my thoughts with you again today, and I hope you feel the same way.

If you forward this email to someone you love or hate (i hope not), ask them to subscribe here for a gift and forever access.

Continue to live wholeheartedly.

I believe in your value,

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