Love is in the air. I am sure you can feel it. It is that time of the year again when many people are more intentional about pleasing their partner. For some, It’s their first valentine’s together, for others, it’s another year to celebrate their love.
In today’s post,we talk about steps to building an intentional relationship this year. If you haven’t read the first part of this series, read the first part here.
You will learn more about activities and discussions you should be having with your partner in the early days. Hopefully, they help you build meaningful relationships with your partner.
Let’s Goooooooooo!
Shared interest activities
Quality time with your partner should be cherished and purposeful, try not to leave room for distraction. Spending time together helps you build and strengthen your bond, you will need this when things get busier, consider it building a foundation.
You benefit from creating memories you can reminisce about in the future and there is the added advantage of emotional intimacy that only comes with time and safety in a relationship.
Spending quality time with your partner is not about the number of hours spent together but the actual shared experience.
Some popular couple activities and my thoughts on them
Netflix and Chill: well, unless you are doing a quiz or something cerebrally stimulating and encourages you actually talk to each other instead of staring at a square on the wall.
I am not a fan of this for an early relationship; the pressure is real. Nobody is thinking about what’s on TV, plus it’s a slippery slope to naked bodies, so if you aren’t ready for this, skip.
Cinemas: It’s a good idea of you actually make time before or after to talk. If not, just another distraction technique that creates an illusion. Best way to take advantage of this is to have a meal/drink after, or go for a walk after a movie so at least you can talk about the movie and get to know each other a little bit more.
Parties: If you are both into this, why not. Just be mindful that you may be bringing a new person into a situation where you feel comfortable and they don’t. Pay attention and don’t leave them and walk away with other friends or family.
Phone free dates: Put them away, out of sight, on silent and look at the person in front of you. This is protected time for you and your partner.
Why not try these too?
- Commute together to work
- Have lunch together if you do not work far from one another
- Have breakfast during weekends together
- Visit the Museums, Parks and local art events such as music, dance etc
- Invite them to your spiritual practice
- Go for walks and runs either mornings or evenings together.
- Go to the gym together
- Competitive events like archery, racing,cooking classes
These shared experiences stimulate conversation and encourage the other person to have an opinion. That is what you want when you start dating someone, a peek into their thinking.
Communication is the blood life of every relationship. Communicate, don’t just talk. Respectfully share your opinions and expectations clearly.
You only learn when you listen, give space and make it safe for others to speak around you too.
Change is constant
No river that flows is ever the same, it changes every second. That’s life, nothing is ever the same.
It is hard to find two people who believe the same thing about everything. Be open to learning new ways of living and doing things.
Be flexible to making room for a new person in your life, it is a significant life change, we often underestimate it.
You will change as time goes on too, we all do, just be mindful of what direction the change is taking you. If something is making you uncomfortable or compromising your core values, step back and think it through.
When things start to progress and you feel like you click with someone, there is always more to learn.
Make it a priority to have the important talks and see where they are on things.
Discuss finances, talk about sex, and talk about the role of family and friends in your lives. Discuss everything, not so you can plan it all, but so it’s open and can be reviewed often. Try not to let anything be a taboo topic between you.
Some things to broach on when you discuss finances are any mindsets, goals, budget styles, debts, money habits, and credit card scores. These topics are essential in today’s world.
Sex deserves a conversation, I always say how it’s a life or death thing if you aren’t talking about it, your life could very well be on the line.
Ask what they think about sex in a relationship. What sexual activities are you open to, and what do you consider off-limits? Is this a monogamous or open relationship?
Our society is rapidly changing, and we are changing along with it. It is not fair to assume that one person carries all the financial burden while the other carries the burden of life administration.
I highly recommend the book “Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do by Eve Rodsky. It’s a great read, plus it also has a deck of cards you can buy on Amazon. It really highlights how to initiate these conversations.
Healthy relationships are consciously built by partners who want it to be healthy. It is never a one-way street, always two-way, and involves both people working hard to present their highest evolving selves forward at all times, in service to each other.
Found this interesting? Do you have more tips to share for dating and courting?
Leave a comment in the section below, and remember to tag your friends and share with them.
