Hello friend,
How are you today? I bring you glad tidings!
Christmas knocks at the door. Is your tree up?
How are you getting on?
For me, I just realised I spent all the money I was supposed to have saved all year for Christmas!
Really bad Makus, no gifts from Santa, I guess. 😂😂Hahahahaha😂😂.
We have had some serious discussions in the last few weeks, do you have any thoughts? Check some out there below.
Here they are:
● Cultivating Self-awareness for your relationship
● How to Navigate a relationship with a partner who has a different growth mindset.
Today, let’s sprinkle some hope into the mix and explore why there’s a whole lot of magic waiting for us on the other side of “I do.“
Marriage I believe, is one of the most serious contracts you can ever go into, and it’s often shroud in so many unnecessary flowery activities that the essence of it gets missed.
Why? I don’t know, but I am going to attempt to talk about the real stuff that can happen within a regular marriage, which is where many of us will find ourselves.
Forget what a few people online make you feel is regular; it’s not! A regular marriage is satisfying, and an ordinary life is beautiful, too.
It all takes some work, but as long as you find someone who is willing to go down in the dirt with you to do that work, I can guarantee you will have many good days.
Some of the pluses I have seen that marriage can offer are:
1. Team up for success: Marriage is not about losing your independence but gaining a partner who’s got your back whom you feel safe being accountable to. Together, you can tackle life’s challenges and celebrate the victories as a dynamic duo. You can achieve more with your partner. Can two walk together except they agree? The agreement comes first; disclose your expectations and needs and create space for your partner to do the same.
2. Unplug from Fear and plug into Growth: Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Embrace the idea that marriage is a journey, not a checklist item. It’s a chance to grow together, support each other’s dreams, and become the best versions of yourselves.
Do not get married if you feel a sense of loss or if you are being asked to be something you are not to fit in. Listen to that inner voice. You are supposed to feel safe in a healthy marriage, not in competition with each other. Watch it if you have a partner who competes for everything in your relationship. Caution.
3. Financial partnership: While economic hurdles might be daunting, facing them together can actually strengthen your bond. Collaborate on budgeting, saving, and investing for a future that’s both secure and full of possibilities. Having two incomes in the household significantly improves your standard of life, and you can make plans for the future with more financial power.
This is assuming both partners work outside the home or earn outside the home. However, if it’s a one-income household, the role of the other partner who takes care of the household is such a money saver and creates room for more disposable income. Either way, you are winning. Some governments give grants to married couples, too. Look it up.
4. Quality over quantity: When it comes to relationships, focus on depth rather than quantity. Forge meaningful connections that align with your values
[Check out this value Exercise]
Being in a committed relationship or marriage means you get to take breaks from social media, and you still have someone in your life to do all the fun things with you..you have real long lasting dopamine hits. You can plan a quality time that leaves you with lasting memories.
5. Love in the Age of Imperfection:
Embrace the messy because anything worth working on is messy. Realise that no relationship is perfect, and that’s the beauty of it. The imperfections are what make your love story uniquely yours. Social media may have filters, but your love doesn’t need one.
- Does the thought of getting married fill you with dread?
- Do you know why? This is where the work of self-awareness must be done.
- Check out why, and check out the people whose marriages have influenced your choice on the topic.
- Why did they have such a profound effect on you?
- Is what you think true?
- Does it apply to all marriages?
- Is there anything you would like in your own marriage?
- What would it look like if you could make it perfect for you?
- What are your non-negotiable and negotiables and must-haves and red flags?
Make a list
Answer the questions honestly. Get this free Marriage Questions checklist to help you answer the questions.
Here are a few other resources to help you when answering questions about marriage:
- 10 Questions Happy Couples Are Constantly Asking One Another
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Some things that will help you overcome the stickiness of this decision. To marry or not to marry?
1. Seek Relationship Role Models: Surround yourself with positive examples. Look up to couples whose marriages you have insight into and speak to them. Ask questions about their relationship, including the whys and hows. Learn from their experiences.
There is a lady I met whose love story was so beautiful and unfortunately lasted seven years before her husband died of illness. She tells it like it happened yesterday, with a smile at the memories they made together and how the struggle of illness and imminent death made them even closer, though painful.
No two lovestories are the same; we don’t know how it will end but I encourage you to extend grace to yourself when making these decisions.
2. Prioritize Communication: Open, honest, and kind communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be open about your fears, dreams, and expectations, creating a safe space for both partners to express themselves freely.
3. Redefine Love Success: Your love, your rules. Define success in your own terms. It’s not about fitting into societal expectations but creating a partnership that fulfils both of you. Celebrate the small victories, they matter because they are the stones upon which your relationship will grow and one day stand in all its mountainous glory.
4. Define what your core values are, what your beliefs about yourself and the world are, and what your boundaries for behaviours and conduct within your relationship are. This makes it easy to have discussions about things early. Never ignore anything that doesn’t sit right with you, it will only get worse. Address it early in an open honest and kind way. If your partner cannot tolerate that style of discussion, step back and think again if you have the right person to work with for a lifetime.
So, is being married fun? Yes Absolutely! Open your hearts, embrace the adventure, and let love lead the way if you are lucky.
Until you say “I DO”, Stay wholesome.
Stay authentic
Be yourself and keep getting better at it.
Live wholeheartedly,
Amaka
