The Angry Man in Today’s World

Dear friend, how are you today?

Writing about men’s mental health is a new thing for me and I am struggling  a bit with phrasing, so bear with me when you see inconsistency in the tenses.

This week we will think about healthy emotions and the importance of cultivating healthy outlets for pent up anger. Last week, I wrote about the vulnerability and men. Read it here.

Audre Lorde writes about anger as a useful emotion, it tells us something within us has been violated. It is information from our bodies to our brain and it often dictates to us that we must take action to restore order.

Now I think this is where it goes wrong in most human relationships, we then use that information to destroy rather than build.

Stay with me please. Can your anger lead to useful conversations, stronger relationship and thriving business?

Let us consider our men and how they express anger, among other emotions.

Anger is one of the few socially acceptable emotions a man can express, it is often used to communicate other less socially acceptable emotions like fear, disappointment, disgust, anxiety and self esteem issues.

Society (read as me and you) has told our men that anger is “manly” and the others are not so manly, it’s difficult then for men to acknowledge that they feel these other ranges of emotion.

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There is a lack of space for expression of those, they receive less empathy, sympathy and run the risk of being mocked/ disrespected even. This indoctrination starts early too.

Check out this clip that shows clearly how much pressure our men believe they have to be under to exist in today’s world.

The Mask of Anger

In a society that often glorifies aggression and stoicism as hallmarks of masculinity, men are frequently conditioned to channel their emotions, particularly anger, into expressions of strength, indifference and dominance.

Anger becomes a shield against even the good things in our lives, a weapon wielded in the face of vulnerability, a mask that conceals deeper feelings of pain, sadness, and fear.

But beneath the surface of anger lies a vast ocean of emotions waiting to be explored, understood, and embraced.

Anger, while a natural and valid emotion, is often a surface-level response to underlying feelings of hurt, rejection, and injustice. It is the body’s way of signaling distress, a cry for justice, acknowledgement and validation.

Anger and other emotions

Exploring Healthy Outlets

So, how do we navigate the journey from feeling  anger to examining what’s underneath, and then expressing it in a way that honors our emotions and promotes healing?

The key lies in cultivating healthy outlets for emotional release – channels through which we can safely and authentically express our feelings without fear of judgment or repercussion.

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Engagement in physical activity

For some men, physical activity serves as a powerful outlet for releasing pent-up emotions. Whether it’s hitting the gym, going for a run, or engaging in a sport, physical exercise can help dissipate excess energy and promote a sense of calm, clarity, and improve confidence.

It’s a way of grounding ourselves in the present moment, reconnecting with our bodies, and releasing tension stored within.

Men outdoor smiling

The Power of Creativity

For others, creativity becomes a vessel for emotional expression. Whether through art, music, writing, or other forms of creative expression, tapping into our creative instincts allows us to channel our emotions into something tangible and transformative. 

The right side of our brain is the part that is stimulated when we engage in creative exercise, we are able to explore emotions through creativity and balance out the logical and systematic activities of the left side.

When you feel anger, pick up a pen and paper, do some writing, paint, draw, dance, design, do something that doesn’t require much planning and organization.

It’s a way of giving voice to the unspoken, of transmuting pain into beauty, and finding solace in the act of creation.

The Healing Path of Connection

Above all, the journey from anger to expression is not one that we must walk alone. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals can provide invaluable guidance and validation as we navigate the complexities of our emotional landscape.

I encourage you to foster new connections built on empathy, vulnerability, and mutual respect – connections that remind us that we are not alone in our struggles, that our emotions are valid, and that healing is possible.

You anger can be useful, get information from it and use it positively.

emotion wheel
Emotion Wheel

Human emotions are normal and welcome, we must remember that anger is but one thread in the rich tapestry of human experience. We feel it and let it go, it doesn’t have to stay forever with us. 

We let it go by exploring healthy outlets for emotions, and by embracing vulnerability and connection. We can transform our relationship with anger and pave the way for deeper understanding, healing, and growth.

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I invite you to embark on this journey with an open heart and a willingness to explore the depths of your emotions therein  lies the promise of liberation, of reclaiming our voices and our power, urging us to  embracing the fullness of our humanity.

With courage and compassion,

Stay authentic

Be yourself and keep getting better at it.

Live wholeheartedly,

Amaka

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