Hello dear friend,
I hope you are well today. It’s an emotional weekend with people beginning and ending life phases around me, me included.
Emotionally intensive periods of life deserve to be treated with the utmost care lest we harm ourselves. So, I am being mindful of my core pillars such as sleep, diet, faith and exercise.
We move from the consciousness that we are not entirely responsible for ourselves and try not to fool ourselves into thinking we are.
At a time when we make lots of decisions, we can sometimes fall into a trap of being godlike yet not being surrendered to God himself to use us within his will.
I have been thinking about parenting and what a cycle it is to be part of it all your life. Being the recipient of parenting and the giver of life, while also learning that you need to parent yourself.
Phew!!!!
Parenting is often described as one of life’s greatest responsibilities. We spend countless hours making sure our children are fed, encouraged, protected, and guided.
We remind them to be kind, help them through disappointments, celebrate their victories, and comfort them in their failures. But somewhere between school runs, work deadlines, house chores, and bedtime routines, many parents quietly neglect someone important: themselves.
Parenting yourself while raising your children is not selfish. It is one of the healthiest gifts you can give your family. Children learn far more from what we model than from what we say.
When they watch a parent care for their own emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being, they learn that healthy living isn’t just something we teach; it is something we practice.
Your Inner Child Still Needs You
Yes, you are grown and flown, yet there is still a child that liveth within you, and that child needs to be treated with love and compassion
Growing older does not automatically heal every wound we carry. In fact, in my experience, it exposed my wounds in romantic relationships and friendships, forcing me to either dig in my heels in pride or surrender to healing with humility
Many parents discover that raising children brings forgotten memories back to the surface. Perhaps your child’s fears remind you of your own. Maybe their mistakes awaken memories of how harshly you were corrected.
Sometimes, the way your children seek affection reveals the love you longed for but never received.
Rather than ignoring these feelings, permit yourself to acknowledge them with grace.
The kindness you extend to yourself often becomes the kindness you naturally extend to your children.
The Bible reminds us:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
God never asks us to pretend our wounds don’t exist. He invites us to bring them to Him. Healing may take time, but every small step toward emotional wholeness changes the atmosphere of our homes.
You Cannot Pour from a Constantly Empty Cup
The modern-day parent can appear to be wearing exhaustion like a badge of honour. We convince ourselves that resting means we’re falling behind.
There are more indices for successful parenting in our days than ever before. Each of them seems good and worth trying, yet none of them is genuinely inspired by our own convictions
We feel confused about what to believe in and where to pour in our dedicated attention, so we end up being burnt out and perpetuating the very thing we fear….. Trauma.
Constant depletion leaves us impatient, emotionally unavailable, and more likely to react instead of respond.
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Parenting yourself may look surprisingly ordinary:
- Getting enough sleep whenever possible.
- Taking a quiet walk.
- Spending time in prayer.
- Reading something that refreshes your mind.
- Saying “no” when your schedule is already full.
- Asking for help without guilt.
These small acts are not luxuries; they are maintenance for the heart.
Even Jesus, while serving many people, regularly stepped away to rest and pray.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
God never designed us to carry every responsibility without stopping to breathe.
Give Yourself the Same Grace You Give Others
Think about how you respond when your child makes an honest mistake.
You explain.
You comfort.
You encourage them to try again.
Now think about how you respond when you make a mistake.
Many parents become their own harshest critics. We replay conversations, question every decision, and carry unnecessary guilt over moments we wish had gone differently.
Children don’t need perfect parents.
They need parents who know how to apologize, learn, and begin again.
Giving yourself grace isn’t lowering your standards. It is choosing growth over perfection.
When your children see you admit mistakes with humility, they learn that failure isn’t the end—it is part of becoming wiser.
Your Children Need a Healthy “You” More Than a Perfect “You”
Children remember much more than spotless homes or perfectly planned birthdays.
They remember how safe they felt.
How often you laughed together.
Whether they felt heard.
How you responded when life became difficult.
A calm parent creates a calm environment.
An emotionally healthy parent permits children to express their own emotions safely.
The healthiest homes are rarely the most perfect ones—they’re the ones where love is consistently present.
Let God Parent You Too
One of the most comforting truths of faith is that while we are raising our children, God is still raising us.
We never outgrow our need for His wisdom.
We never become too experienced to need His correction.
We never become too mature to need His comfort.
The pressures of parenting become lighter when we remember we are not carrying them alone.
Every worry about your children, every fear about the future, every feeling of inadequacy can be placed in God’s hands.
He is patient with us in the same way He calls us to be patient with our children.
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Final Thoughts
Parenting is not only about raising children. It is also about allowing God to continue shaping you.
There will be days when you feel strong and capable, and there will be days when you wonder if you’re doing enough. On both kinds of days, remember this: your children do not need a flawless parent. They need one who is willing to keep growing.
So be gentle with yourself.
Celebrate small victories.
Rest without guilt.
Pray often.
Receive God’s grace freely.
As you lovingly parent your children, don’t forget to extend that same love, patience, and compassion to the person they are learning the most from: you.
Until next time — stay warm, stay growing, stay loving, stay whole.
With love and light,
Amaka.
