A few years ago, I attended and participated in my friend’s wedding, and on the day of the much-anticipated event, we had such a good time and I was so happy, you couldn’t tell me anything. I threw myself into it like I was the assistant bride.
A few days later, another friend asked why I was so happy that my friend who was a few years younger, was getting married (didn’t I feel bad as I was still single?). It never occurred to me, that some people would have seen this as a problem. it certainly wasn’t a problem for me.
I recently remembered this incident after a heartfelt conversation with a group of friends, and I left that conversation feeling so loved and supported, that i texted back to say how i felt. There was the initial hesitation about being so vulnerable but i dismissed it because i know that feedback, is essential to the way we regard one another in our relationships. We like people who like us.
This is something i now realise that not many people have and perhaps long for, if they are aware of its existence at all.
Some people say that joy comes from your spiritual source and can only remain, when you surround yourself with things that make you feel whole and loved and valued.
Some say that happiness is a different emotion from joy, and is based on certain circumstances and activities. This means you can induce happiness and it is perhaps a momentary thing that can be refilled or topped up based on your commitment to the cause.
However today we speak about joy, the one that doesn’t hold back nor is it earned.
My close friends give me great joy, and I have reflected on how this has come to sneak up on us over years of intentional action.
Here are some of my discoveries:
- We are in frequent contact, we have maintained a social media platform for years and use it to update one another of current and important events in our lives.
- We respect one another, on many occasions our values and actions have not represented that of others in the friendship circle but we have managed to keep communications respectful and negotiated these hurdles successfully
- We each bring our strength and weaknesses into the relationship and lean on each other when we have to
- We seek to add value to the relationship and do not relent
- We owe one another open honest communication and we practice this
- We ask the hard questions and have difficult conversations often
- We take feedback and we don’t take it personally
- We compliment one another often and adequately, what some will call gassing. This helps us regard one another positively most of the time.
- we are invested in one another, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally. This means that when we make progressive moves, we bring one another along. That’s how most of us ended up in the UK anyway. Intentional investment in one other.
- We do not gossip about other people. it is just not one of our values
- We all pitch in if something needs to be done and we do it as a team
- We try to always cheer one another on in all projects and try not to be critical while giving constructive feedback
This list is by no means exhaustive, but you can see what i mean. We share one another’s lives like we live with one another and that has helped to form enduring bonds over the years.
The joy comes from knowing that you are safe, supported, respected and loved in this group. So it may never occur to you to envy or resent any of the people that offer you such rare gifts.
I will happily be dancing at another wedding again soon, and this gives me so much joy and fills me with gratitude to God.
My friends success doesn’t equal my failure. She wins, we all win.
Have you found these qualities(or the opposite), in any of your friends or group of friends?
Please Let me know by replying this email, or on social media (Mind of Makus). I am always happy to hear from you all.
My last letter to you received such interesting feedback, that i am now looking forward to hearing from you all weekly.
Just to remind you of this amazing Selfcare Reflective Guide which i put together, especially for you who struggles to find time in the day to give your self love. It is a gentle guide to help you identify your sensory preferences and hopefully give you a foundation to build up your other preferences.
There is a free one RIGHT HERE TOO . Do forward this to your friends and family who are trying to do better for themselves.
We have a private facebook group and it has been very useful to the members to have that source of daily check in for self-care. We discuss various modes of self-care and how we practise them, I have learnt so much from the group members too. Did you know that self-care can include cycling and repositioning your desk so you look at a more pleasurable scenery while at work?
You can join the group by clicking below.
Until we chat again, form joyful friendships,because it is never too late to start being intentional about joy.
I believe in your value.
Live Wholeheartedly,
Amaka.
