Hi dear friends,
Can you believe we are ankle deep into the year yet, gosh February can you slow down a little? In the spirit of love, which I hope we are all working towards giving and receiving, I thought we should look at what the challenges can look like when love is perverted.
Love in it’s true form, in all beings, is beneficial to everyone involved. It is by no means a lack of boundaries, accountability or responsibility, it has tough conversations and we all know how feedback given in love can feel as opposed to feedback that seeks to breaks you.
I wish someone had told me this when I was starting to date and explore being in a partnership with someone, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
Relationships should bring joy, support, and a sense of belonging. But what happens when they start draining you instead?
Unhealthy relationships—whether romantic, familial, or friendships—can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Recognizing the signs early, learning how to repair, and knowing when to step away is essential for protecting your peace.
In this blog, we’ll explore some warning signs that your relationship may be unhealthy, how they affect your mental health, and steps to take when it’s time to let go.
We use the word “toxic” in pop culture these days to signal that something is poisonous and by interacting with it, you come to harm.
So let’s go for it….
What Makes a Relationship Toxic?
A toxic relationship is one where unhealthy patterns—such as manipulation, emotional abuse, or control—consistently occur. Take note of the word “consistently”. Unlike healthy disagreements or rough patches, toxicity erodes self-esteem and emotional stability over time.
It is often done intentionally from one person to others or another and you find that the perpetrator and victim have some kind of unwritten agreement about the dynamics of their relationship. There is an agreement. If you have ever seen this in real life sometimes they are quite protective of it for fear of unleashing more chaos or pain.
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Signs you need to pay attention to
- Constant Criticism and Put-Downs
If someone regularly belittles, mocks, or criticizes you in a way that makes you feel worthless, that’s a red flag. Healthy relationships uplift; toxic ones tear down. Sometimes it comes in form of jokes which hurt but if everyone is laughing , you join them. Don’t! - Manipulation and Gaslighting
Toxic individuals often twist situations to make you doubt your own feelings and reality. If you find yourself constantly questioning whether you’re “overreacting” or “imagining things,” gaslighting may be at play.
They often force you to question your own sense of what is real, making you walk on eggshells for fear of their wrath. They will apologize profusely and then somehow make it your fault again. - Lack of Support
Do they celebrate your wins, or do they always make it about them? A toxic person may downplay your achievements, dismiss your struggles, or be absent when you need support.
Do you remember sitting alone waiting for that call on your birthday that never came? And then the apology and gifts 2 days later? Been there, done that, so that you don’t have to. Take control over your life and state expectations early and get the love you give out so freely. - Excessive Control or Possessiveness
Whether it’s dictating who you spend time with, tracking your movements, or making you feel guilty for having a life outside them, controlling behavior is a major warning sign. “Uncles/Aunties” that can’t eat until you come home, it’s control. They can eat, it’s often a way to track your movement and keep you on a leash.
There’s a deeper conversation about insecurities to be had here. You should have to prove your love by relinquishing your privacy and control of your life. The very definition of love is liberty. - Constant Drama and Emotional Drain
Toxic relationships feel like a rollercoaster—one day good, the next day emotionally exhausting.
If you feel mentally drained after interacting with someone, it’s time to reflect on why. Being on constant alert for their next manipulative action or tantrum means you can never be calm enough to access the gifts deposited deep inside you. You miss out on opportunities around you, play small when you can go big. Stopeeet! - Disrespecting Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in all relationships. If someone constantly ignores or dismisses your needs and personal space, it signals a lack of respect. - One-Sided Effort
If you’re always the one initiating conversations, making plans, or fixing conflicts, while they put in little to no effort, the imbalance can become toxic over time.
The Mental Health Toll of Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships don’t just affect your mood; they can have long-term effects on your mental health, including:
- Increased anxiety and stress
- Lower self-esteem and confidence
- Emotional exhaustion and burnout
- Depression and feelings of hopelessness
- Difficulty trusting others in future relationships
- Poor sleep leading to migraines and body pain
- Junk eating for comfort leading to health problems
- Reduced life potential
- Poor working and personal relationships
When to Let Go
Letting go of any relationship—especially one with emotional ties—is difficult. I would say it is not the only option because if your partner is willing to work with you to come to a more healthy dynamic, many good things can happen. However repairing a toxic dynamic is not one person’s job, whether it be a romantic relationship or platonic friendship, all the people involved need to do some heavy lifting to achieve a good repair. Staying in a toxic environment can do more harm than good.
Here are signs that it’s time to walk away:
✔️ You feel emotionally drained rather than fulfilled after interactions.
✔️ Your mental health has worsened due to the relationship.
✔️ Your boundaries are constantly disrespected.
✔️ You fear confrontation or feel unsafe expressing yourself.
✔️ The relationship prevents you from growing into your best self.
How to Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship
💡 Acknowledge the Toxicity – Denial keeps you stuck. Recognizing that the relationship is unhealthy is the first step toward change.
💡 Seek Support – Confide in trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Leaving a toxic relationship can feel isolating, so surround yourself with those who genuinely care.
💡 Set Boundaries and Stick to Them – Whether it’s reducing contact or cutting ties completely, setting firm boundaries is crucial.
💡 Prioritize Self-Care – Healing takes time. Engage in activities that bring you peace, whether it’s journaling, exercising, or therapy.
💡 Resist the Guilt – Toxic individuals may try to manipulate you into staying. Remember, protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
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Final Thoughts: Choosing Yourself Is Not Selfish
Walking away from a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but it’s an act of self-love. You deserve relationships that nourish, uplift, and support you—not ones that drain and diminish you. Prioritize your mental well-being, trust your instincts, and remember: letting go isn’t giving up—it’s making space for better.
🚀 Have you ever had to walk away from a toxic relationship? Share your experience in the comments or reach out for support!
Until next time, stay authentic,
Stay resilient, and continue to honour your needs.
Live wholeheartedly,
Amaka
