Hello dear friends,
Happy Valentine’s Weekend. I hope you had a meaningful and valuable celebration with your loved ones. There have been various interpretations for what this day really celebrates, however it’s all love, whether it be with a romantic partner, colleagues or friends, it is important we show love.
Grand gestures are wonderful, who doesn’t like a good old helicopter blowing purple smoke in the sky writing out your name stunts. By all means do that, but also remember that is not what makes a relationship.
The foundation of any strong romantic relationship is emotional intimacy. But what exactly is emotional intimacy, and how do you build it? Let’s dive in.
What is Emotional Intimacy?
Emotional intimacy is the deep sense of closeness and trust that allows partners to be completely open with one another. It’s the feeling of being truly seen, heard, and understood. To see someone is to actively anticipate their needs and take steps to meet those needs while communicating effectively too.
It is bearing in mind your partner’s forgetfulness and making sure they have gloves in their car and maybe fuel in their tank on the weekend. It is ensuring the toilet doesn’t run out of tissues or sanitary towels.
I saw the most thoughtful gesture recently when a man made a box to prepare for his partner’s period coming, it had everything and more to show consideration and kindness.
You will notice that I often write from the perspective of women because that is my view. Let’s flip it a little, can you remember a time where you were fully considered? Or are you the chief consideration officer in your relationship.
I encourage to open the door and allow some light in, allow yourself to receive the gift of consideration this year. Ask for things, suggest things, when something is damaged offer direction instead of jumping up to fix things, share your thoughts and feelings more, don’t suppress always, let your partner experience your true heart, let intimacy in.
When emotional intimacy is strong, couples can share their thoughts, fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. It’s what transforms a relationship from just companionship to a deep, fulfilling partnership.
Why Emotional Intimacy Matters
Without emotional intimacy, relationships can start to feel shallow, distant, or disconnected. You might be physically together, but without that deeper connection, something feels missing. I call it the household colleague syndrome, you both function as employees and do a good job but as individuals, you are lost.
You even start avoiding time alone together, always including kids and friends in your plans, avoiding sex, avoiding touch even when it’s non-romantic gestures like back rubs or holding hands. Be careful.
Research has shown that it takes 8 to 10 meaningful touches a day to maintain physical and emotional health.
Emotional intimacy fosters:
✅ Trust and Security – You feel safe expressing yourself.
✅ Better Communication – You understand each other beyond words.
✅ Deeper Connection – Your bond strengthens over time.
✅ Resilience Through Challenges – When tough times come, emotional intimacy keeps you united.
How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship
1. Create a Judgment-Free Space
Your partner should feel safe sharing their thoughts, emotions, and fears without worrying about criticism or ridicule. Encourage open, honest communication by listening with empathy and offering reassurance. Instead of reacting defensively, try to understand their perspective. You can set a timer for each person’s turn to speak, it works. Take a note a write down your thoughts. Check out our post on having difficult conversations.
2. Prioritize Meaningful Conversations
It’s easy to get caught up in the routine of daily life and only talk about work, bills, or schedules. Make it a habit to ask deeper questions:
- “What’s something that made you happy today?”
- “Is there anything weighing on your mind?”
- “What’s a dream you haven’t told me about yet?”
By making space for vulnerability, you strengthen your emotional bond.
3. Show Affection in Small Ways
Emotional intimacy isn’t just about deep conversations—it’s also about the little things. A simple “I appreciate you,” an unexpected hug, or holding hands while walking can reinforce connection. Thoughtful gestures like leaving a sweet note or sending a supportive text remind your partner they are valued.
4. Be Present
In a world full of distractions, being fully present with your partner is a gift. When you’re together, put away your phone, turn off the TV, and truly engage. Make eye contact, listen actively, and respond thoughtfully. Quality time is one of the strongest builders of emotional intimacy. Put the phone down sis and bro.
5. Practice Active Listening
Listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about truly understanding and validating your partner’s emotions.
Try reflective listening: repeat back what they’ve shared in your own words to ensure you’ve understood them. This makes them feel valued and strengthens trust. Ask questions rather than make assumptions. We all have false stories sin our heads from our backgrounds.
6. Support Each Other’s Growth
Encourage your partner’s dreams and personal growth. Whether it’s a career goal, hobby, or self-improvement journey, show genuine interest and support. Celebrate their wins, encourage them in setbacks, and remind them you’re their biggest cheerleader. Be the person they call first. Earn that seat at the table.
7. Express Gratitude Regularly
Never take your partner for granted. Acknowledge and appreciate their efforts, kindness, and love. A simple “thank you for always being there for me” can go a long way in reinforcing emotional closeness. Thank you for doing the dishes, for fueling the car, for paying for dinner.
8. Create Rituals of Connection
Establish rituals that help you stay connected. It could be a morning coffee together, a weekly date night, or even a bedtime routine where you share one highlight from your day. These small traditions strengthen your bond and make time for emotional intimacy. I advocate for using phone calendars and alarms. Schedule sex, dinner, prayer, talk, calls etc.
9. Be Willing to Be Vulnerable
Many people struggle with vulnerability because it requires trust. But opening up about your fears, past experiences, or worries invites your partner to do the same. Vulnerability deepens trust and emotional connection.
10. Laugh Together
Laughter is one of the easiest ways to feel close to someone. Find humor in everyday moments, share inside jokes, and create lighthearted memories together. A relationship that includes laughter is a relationship that thrives.
Final Thoughts
Emotional intimacy isn’t built overnight—it’s a continuous process that requires effort, patience, and intention. But when nurtured, it creates a relationship filled with love, understanding, and deep connection.
So this Valentine’s Day, beyond the gifts and romantic dinners, focus on the heart of your relationship—emotional intimacy. Because when the chocolates are eaten and the flowers fade, what truly sustains love is the deep connection you share.
What’s one way you build emotional intimacy in your relationship? Share in the comments! 💬💕
Until next time, stay authentic,
Stay resilient, and continue to honour your needs.
Live wholeheartedly,
Amaka
