Dear friend,
I hope you are well.
We have finally entered the seventh month of the year, the month of rest, as it is believed. It is funny how everything seems to keep pointing us toward rest. Lol.
As we cross the halfway point of the year, I find myself reflecting: Did I account for the time I had well? Have I stewarded my resources well? Who have I become? Do I stand in full light with the will of God? And most importantly, where do I go from here?
Many times, the middle of the year is a gentle reminder to pause, reflect, and reconnect with ourselves.
“Who am I, really?”
Not who you are at work.
Not who you are in your family.
Not who people expect you to be.
But who are you underneath all the responsibilities you carry?
For many of us, life moves so quickly that we rarely get the chance to ask ourselves this question. You may be a parent, a partner, a friend, a professional, a caregiver, or the person everyone depends on. These parts of your life are valuable, and they tell meaningful stories about you.
But they are only parts of your story.
There is also a version of you that exists beyond what you do for others and even what you know yourself to be today.
A few years ago came across this verse: “It is written in the volume of the book; I do your will, O Lord”
I meditated upon it and realized that someone has thought about me even before I was born, as in Jeremiah and Psalm 139. There is no ambiguity in God; the confusion and knowledge gap start and end with us. Especially with our choice to disobey his plans for us
Yet his plans for us are always good.
There is a version of you that has dreams, feelings, memories, fears, curiosity, and quiet hopes.
And sometimes, reconnecting with that person whom God sees is one of the gentlest forms of healing we can give ourselves.
The Invisible Weight of Being “The One”
If you think about your social community, you will get a glimpse of what roles people play in every family, friendship, workplace, and community. We all play a role.
The minute we notice our roles intentionally and name them, something changes inside us, especially if we previously hadn’t considered this. What changes is that you now have a choice, to maintain the status quo or to be dynamic and change what isn’t working well.
Pay close attention, my friend.
There is often someone who keeps things together.
The strong one.
The listener.
The achiever.
The peacemaker.
The one who never complains.
The one who always finds a solution.
And being that person can feel rewarding. It can feel like love. It can feel like purpose.
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But there is a quiet question worth asking:
“If you stopped performing that role for a moment, would you still know who you are? Would you still be accepted by your community or thrown out for the wolves to devour?
These are real fears that subconsciously keep us trapped in unhealthy roles.
Many people never ask themselves this.
“The Scripts We Play In Our Heads” explores the hidden stories we repeat in our minds and how changing them can reshape the way we think, feel, and live.
When Your Role Becomes Your Whole Identity
Imagine someone who has spent years being “the strong one.”
Everyone trusts them because they handle problems calmly. They rarely show uncertainty. They carry difficult conversations. They support others.
But privately, they may wonder:
- “Am I allowed to struggle?”
- “Who takes care of me when I am tired?”
- “Would people still value me if I wasn’t always helpful?”
This is the difficult part about roles. I have been here, and it’s all too familiar to realize that while you carry others, they don’t carry you. Mostly because you never give them a chance to see your vulnerability, weakness and need.
Something in me, at that time, rejected support subconsciously because I thought it would leave me vulnerable to exploitation. I had a trust issue.
These roles often begin as expressions of who we are, or more appropriately, who we have to become to survive the environments we find ourselves in.
Beliefs reflect what people think about themselves, others, and the world, and can shape behaviour and other outcomes. Johanna Rodeck.
We can slowly become trapped in the cage of the expectations we carry on our shoulders, living life as a performance, with little fulfilment or self-actualisation.
- A caring person can start feeling like they are only valuable when they are giving.
- A successful student can start believing they are only worthy when they are achieving.
- A responsible person can forget what it feels like to be losing their sense of awe and wonder.
The Fear of Changing
When we choose to maintain the status quo, it can be for a variety of reasons. Topmost being that it is a scary thing, a foray into the unknown self, we don’t know what we might find.
“What if I realize I don’t like the life I built?”
“What if I want something different?”
“What if I have changed?”
But change is not always a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes change is simply proof that you are alive.
You are not meant to remain the same person forever.
The person you were five years ago helped you survive that season.
The person you are becoming may be helping you live the next one.
Letting Yourself Be a Person, Not Just a Role
There is freedom in remembering:
- You can be a parent and still be an individual.
- You can be successful and still be learning.
- You can be supportive and still need support.
- You can be responsible and still have dreams.
- You can love people deeply without disappearing inside their needs.
- Your roles are chapters of your story.
- They are not the entire book.
Rediscovering yourself rarely happens in one dramatic moment. Sometimes it happens in small ways:
Choosing something because you like it, not because it impresses others.
Saying what you truly think.
Resting without explaining.
Allowing yourself to enjoy something without turning it into a goal.
Listening to your own feelings before automatically responding to everyone else’s.
Small moments of honesty bring you back home to yourself.
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A Final Reflection
Maybe the most important question is not:
“What do I do?”
Maybe it is:
“Who am I becoming?”
Because underneath every role, every responsibility, every expectation, there is a person who has been there all along.
A person with memories, hopes, fears, kindness, flaws, dreams, and a story worth understanding.
You are not only the things you carry.
You are also the person carrying them.
And sometimes, the most meaningful journey is not becoming someone new.
It is finally meeting yourself again.
Until next time — stay warm, stay growing, stay loving, stay whole.
With love and light,
Amaka.
